


What’s the point in playing a game you’re gonna lose

by Tomlinsontoes



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: First Time, M/M, Rimming, Slight Drug Use, bj, hj - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-02
Updated: 2013-02-02
Packaged: 2017-11-27 22:38:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/667256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tomlinsontoes/pseuds/Tomlinsontoes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis has to listen to Harry fuck girl after girl each night, watch as his best friend drinks and drugs himself into oblivion. He finally snaps and loses it on Harry, but finds out he’s not the only one struggling to cope with his feelings for the other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What’s the point in playing a game you’re gonna lose

Louis had been sleeping just fine that night in some hotel in New York, or was it Jersey, he could never keep track of where they were. He had retired early so his slumber wouldn’t be interrupted, that is until Harry decided to stumble in around 2 a.m. drunk, with some girl wrapped around his arm. He could barely make out their silhouettes as the sliver of light from the hallway seeps through into the otherwise dark room. He could hear Harry whisper something to the girl as he shut the door behind them, both giggling like fucking preteens who missed curfew.

 

Louis huffed and threw the covers over his head as he heard the sound of belts and clothes hit the floor, the bed next to him squeaking as the weight of their bodies crept onto the mattress. He squeezed his eyes shut trying to doze back to sleep, trying to block out the sound of heavy panting and the steady thud of the headboard against the wall. He cursed himself for leaving his headphones on the table across the room once he started hearing the girl moan out a breathy “Harry, Harry, Harry” It’s almost over he thought to himself as the rhythm got slower and the squeaking halted.

After what seemed like ages, Louis finally heard the door open and close again then the click of the shower turning on and he was finally able to settle back into sleep.

***

 

Louis’s alarm went off at 7 a.m. seeing as they had interviews to do that day and drive to the next city, he groaned as he rolled over to shut it off and hopped out of bed his feet landing on something wet and lacy, “oh god, fucking gross!” Seems as though Harry’s late night friend left him a souvenir. Louis picked up the girl’s underwear like it was toxic waste and threw it in Harry’s direction with a loud “wake the fuck up asshole!” the red lace landing right on the sleeping boy’s bare chest. He heard Harry let out a groan before opening his eyes to the object before him, “what th-“ Harry said holding the material up before chuckling to himself then hanging it over the bedside lamp. “fvmoremnts” Harry huffed into the pillow, “come on we’re gonna be late get up, drink some water.” Louis said placing a cup at the bedside table that was littered with remnants of a white powder and a rolled up hundred; he shook his head before disappearing into the bathroom to get ready.

 

All the guys finally made their way downstairs and shuffled into the awaiting van. Louis usually conversed with the others but he really didn’t want to be a part of the current story Harry was telling of his late night escapade. It took him a little to realize Harry had been calling his name for the past 20 seconds, “What?” he replied a little harsher than he expected. “Whoa sorry, security’s on the line, just wanted to know if we were rooming together again in Philly.” “Ya sure whatever.” Louis really couldn’t say no, because it was sort of tradition or something, it felt weird not rooming with Harry, he almost felt protective over the youngest band member, especially since his eyes were looking more swollen and purple and the small baggies Louis was beginning to find in Harry’s things started to multiply. He needed to room with Harry even if he was bringing a new girl to their room every night. And tonight was no different.

***

 

This time it was around 3 a.m. that Harry and some random brunette came stumbling into the room, the door hadn’t even shut yet and Harry was already lifting her dress above her head throwing it behind him, Louis really didn’t know why he didn’t just stay with Liam tonight who was probably sound asleep cuddling his Batman plush that someone threw on stage. He also didn’t know why he felt the pit of his stomach burn as he watched the pair climb into the bed next to his before turning to face the other way. He was feeling a different kind of anger, he wasn’t mad Harry had woken him up yet again, well he was but he had plenty of time to sleep, this was different. He figured he’d give Harry the benefit of the doubt because Harry was an 18-year-old kid who could quite literally fuck any girl he wanted and he was living every teenage boy’s dream.

 

But they were now in Tennessee and the same routine has been playing out in their room night after night. Louis did room with Niall a few times before that after he forgot his keycard in his and Harry’s room and by the smell and smoke coming from under the door he knew there was no way Harry would even open it, not even for him. Tonight though he stayed in there with Harry after seeing how fucked up the younger boy had gotten that night, Harry would never admit it but Louis knew it was because he heard the premier of his exes song bashing him being played wherever they went, he felt like he needed to be there for him regardless of Harry ignoring him, regardless of watching him take shot after shot and just drinking straight from the bottle, regardless of Harry hitting him and calling him a motherfucker when he tried taking the bottle from him, regardless of Louis begging Harry to open the bathroom door when he locked himself in to do who knows what drugs before opening the door to a blonde who resembled the very person who was causing him to spiral tonight.

 

After Harry was finished with the girl he didn’t even bother to get a name from, he sent her on her way like every other one before her, a kiss on the cheek and a smirk and if she was lucky a smack on the ass, before he shut the door and finished the line he had out before he was distracted by her mouth around his cock. Louis hadn’t been able to sleep at all that night and took his anger out on Harry, lobbing a pillow at his head. Harry caught said pillow, even three sheets to the wind and drugged out of his mind he still had amazing reflexes, and proceeded to run over and jump on Louis’s bed, still butt naked.

 

“What you jealous Tommo?” Harry asked sitting astride Louis, who could smell whatever concoction of alcohol Harry had consumed that night. “Oh ya so jealous Harry you got me.” Louis retorted condescendingly. 

 

Harry replied by mockingly dry humping Louis whilst banging his hand on the headboard. “Fuck you Styles.” Louis replied forcefully shoving Harry off his body and the bed causing Harry to bash his skull on the edge of the side table. “Fuck, learn how to take a joke Louis.” Harry said rubbing his head as he got up and put clothes back on.

“Where are you going?”

“Why do you care?”

“We have to be up in 6 hours to leave, don’t go running off Harry.”

“Who are you my mother?”

And Louis hears the door slam shut as Harry exits the room.

“Fucking prick.” Louis mumbles to himself before trying to go back to sleep. Even though there was no way he could sleep, not until he knew Harry was back and safe in the room.

***

 

It’s no secret amongst the band that Harry fancies the presence of ladies, or the fact that he’s keeping a running toll of how many girls he’s sleeping with in each city in a stupid little blue notebook he keeps in his back pocket. Blame it on the curls or the dimples no one could really hate the kid for what he was doing, they all did it to an extent everyone but Louis and Louis fucking hated him right now.

He’s not quite sure when Harry made the transition from the awkward teenager whose hands and feet were too big for his body to the person he is today, the tall slender body thanks to a mix of genetics and a liquid and powdered diet, the abs and cheeky grin, and he managed to ditch his glasses somewhere along the heartthrob route. But Louis missed his old Harry, the one who didn’t care about sleeping with girls, the one he used to stay up late with playing video games and watching dumb rom-coms with. The one who would casually cuddle with him on the tour bus or just about anywhere else. He hasn’t seen that Harry in forever and this new imposter was not sitting well with Louis.

***

 

“Harry I need you to move like two inches to your left, get closer-ya ya like that, Lou could you touch up his makeup please, he looks terrible, you on drugs kid?” The photographer yelled out from behind the camera, Harry didn’t respond and just stood there as Lou dabbed another inch of concealer under his eyes. Louis could hear her mumble something to Harry while shaking her head, everyone was concerned about him, but it only made him worse.

“Louis now rest your arm on Harry’s shoulder, smile maybe?” The photographer asked.

“How in the hell can I put my arm on his shoulder when he’s 5 inches taller than me?!” Louis huffs out before feeling an elbow lodge into his side.

“Ow what the fuck?”

“Do we need to get you a box to stand on then?” Harry says with a sneer.

“Fuck you.” Louis says before walking away from the set.

“Louis get back here we’re not done!” Liam calls out.

“Well I am.”

“What ever the hell is going on between you two needs to be sorted out, now!” Liam demands as he addresses Harry.

“Don’t look at me, I don’t know what the fuck his problem is.”

“Well figure it out!” Liam replies before apologizing to the photographer and chasing after Louis.

Even after Liam had begged him for a good 15 minutes to come back inside to finish the photo shoot, Louis was too good and actor and liar and was able to convince Liam that he had an upset stomach and just needed to rest so he got shuttled back to the hotel to take care of himself before having to meet at the venue for rehearsals.

***

“Oh look who decided to finally sh-“

“Harry not now” Liam begged under his breath with a stern look, “Glad you’re feeling better Louis, grab your mic and let’s begin.”

Louis could not even stand being in the same room as Harry right now let alone stand next to him during rehearsals and Harry kept pushing his buttons by goofing off or changing lyrics midway through the song.

“Would you just sing the song correctly for once Harry god dammit!” Louis shouted.

“Here we go again,” Zayn mumbled into his mic before sitting on a speaker.

Louis had turned away from the rest of them to grab a bottle of water, because his cheeks were heating up and he was fuming. He felt a hand grab his shoulder hard dragging him to the side of the stage.

“Get off of me!” Louis yelled batting away the hand.

“What is your problem why are you so on edge lately Louis?”

“Nothing I’m fine.” Louis replied without making eye contact.

“No you’re not, what did I do to you now? You’re usually the one joking around with me, what’s gotten into you?”

“I said I’m fine, now please let go of me so we can finish.”

“You’re so fucking stubborn Lou.” Harry said rolling his eyes before releasing his grip and walking back on stage.

But the truth was Louis wasn’t fine, but he didn’t even know himself why he was acting this way. He felt like a jealous 13-year-old and he hadn’t admitted to himself why even if he knew the answer.

The show that night was in Georgia and Louis used his best acting skills to get through it, for the other guys sake and for the crowd. He didn’t want them sensing any tension he had with Harry so he played his usual self, laughing and joking along with his band mate. Harry made it difficult though, because every time they had a costume change he would either guzzle down some sort of alcohol or run off real quick before coming back wiping his nose. His eyes were dead, he was just some empty shell of his former self and it made Louis nauseous.

***

 

They all made it back to the hotel pretty early that night after the last of the Florida concerts and Louis was happy that there was no random girl waiting for Harry anywhere, he thought he might actually get sleep tonight. He was even happier because Harry had gotten through the show almost completely sober and he’s pretty sure he’s been in withdrawal the last three or four days because he’s been moody as hell, but he was starting to look like himself. They were silent in the elevator ride up, except for a few awkward coughs and sniffles. Louis opened their shared room eager to crash before Harry broke the silence.

“Hey Lou?”

“Yeah?”

“What’d ya say we get some room service and watch movies, push the beds together all that, like old times yeh?”

Louis was taken aback by what Harry had just proposed to him that he was speechless and stunned, just staring at Harry.

“I-I mean we don’t have to if you have plans or something…” Harry said quickly.

“Well is it Harry asking me this or the drugs and alcohol?” Louis said harshly.

Harry was visibly taken aback by Louis’s words and struggled to answer, “No-I’m not on anything-I just I mean it Louis, please? Fuck please, just once…”

Louis could almost, just barely see the real Harry in there; his sincerity made Louis cave, “yeah that sounds perfect Harry.”

“Okay! Good, you get the menu I got the beds, order two of everything!” Harry said enthusiastically while he moved the table out from between the beds before pushing his into Louis’s.

 

Louis felt like he had to slap himself a few times to make sure he wasn’t dreaming and a few more for even agreeing to this in the first place. For some reason a batch of butterflies started humming around in his stomach and he didn’t quite know if it was excitement or nerves, but he had no reason to be nervous it was Harry; the only person besides his mum who knew him better than anyone. He just felt like so much was riding on this moment. The room service came within ten minutes or so and Louis splayed out all the trays at the foot of the beds and grabbed the beer they conned Josh into buying them. He realized he probably shouldn’t be feeding Harry beer but it was just some cheap shit and there wasn’t enough to make him blackout like usual.

“Rom-com or horror night?”

“You choose Harry.”

“On the count of 3 we’ll say what we want to watch ok? 1..2..3..”

“Rom-com!” Both said in unison before busting out in a fit of laughter.

Louis watched as Harry hopped onto the middle of the beds before patting the spot next to him for Louis to sit. He grabbed a tray of burgers and plopped down next to Harry who draped his arm over Louis’s shoulder, involuntarily sending shivers up his spine.

“You cold?”

“No I’m fi-“

“Come here.” Before Louis can protest Harry is pulling him in closer to his side and Louis complies because something is telling him this is what should be happening and it just feels so right even if it was so foreign to him, it’s felt like ages since he’s been this close to Harry.

“Remember last year when we spent like two days just watching stupid fucking movies all day at my mum’s, we didn’t move an inch and she thought we had like died because our phones were off?”

“Yaa ya I do.” Louis replied thinking back on that weekend, “Or that time you convinced me to go swimming with you in the middle of December and you just ended up pushing me in.”

“ha ha ya and you got like the flu for a week, and we had to cancel your birthday party, you were pisssseddd!”

“That was the absolute worse! I’m still mad at you for that!” Louis said as he punched Harry in the gut.

“Ow that hurt!” Harry said with a pout.

“Shut up and eat, and this is a good part shhh.” Louis said shoving a handful of fries into Harry’s mouth.

They ended up drinking all the beer and spent the whole night watching movies and eating until they thought they’d explode. It reminded Louis so much of how they were not too long ago, before Harry changed.

“So why no lady friend tonight Cassanova?” Louis slurred out a little messier than he’d like as he propped his head against Harry’s chest, he was the biggest lightweight ever but he made sure to drink more of the beer than Harry, for his own good.

“Sore dick,” Harry laughed, “just thought I’d spend some time with my best mate, specially since he’s had a stick up his arse the past couple weeks.”

“Well maybe if I got some proper sleep once in awhile I wouldn’t be in such a shit mood.” Louis retorts.

“You’re more than welcome to go room with someone else ya know. It’s your own fault.”

 

Louis really didn’t want to start fighting with Harry, especially after having so much fun tonight but the alcohol was making him speak before his brain processed his words and once he started he couldn’t stop himself.

“I’m not the one who’s turned into some giant manwhore overnight, who’s ditched his best friend to fuck random girls, I have every right to be upset,” Louis can feel tears starting to form, he always got over emotional when he drank and he tried to choke them back but a few fell, seeping into Harry’s shirt, “do you know how hard it is to sit here and watch you, hear you with a different girl every night, see what people are saying about you, see you come in drunk or stoned or on whatever drugs you took that night, I bet you don’t even remember half the girls you bring in. Doubt you’ll even remember tonight. Why are you like this now Harry? “  
“I don’t fucking need this from you of all people Louis” Harry shouts pushing Louis off of him and walking towards the door.

“This is what I’m talking about, you just run away from everything, you don’t own up to your mistakes anymore you just cover them up, what happened to the Harry who worked at the bakery and just wanted to sing for people?” Louis is full on bawling, pleading with his best friend.

“You really want to know Louis?” Harry says harshly.

“Yes, please.”

“I started giving people what they wanted, they wanted to see me be a man whore, I gave it to them. It was exhausting caring what those fuckers thought about me and defending myself against them, so I gave in, I became the Harry they created.” He screamed, “And now, fucking now, I’m being scorned for being the very person they portrayed me as, the person they created, the person who sold their fucking magazines, the person who gave that stupid bitch a #1 single, they wanted me to objectify women and fucking snort coke before shows, well I gave them what they wanted. It got tiring putting up a fight; it was easier to let them be right. Are you happy now Louis?” Harry let himself slide down the door his body pliant and weak, tears gathering in his eyes.

“No I’m not. I just-come here please, don’t walk out.” Louis holds his hand out to Harry from the bed, it feels as if hours pass before he feels a sweaty palm meet his and he pulls Harry over. Harry’s eyes are wet, and he’s curled into a ball under Louis’s arm, and Louis can’t help but feel sorry for him, he looks so vulnerable like this.

“None of them will ever know the real Harry, this other façade that’s not you, you’re not happy as him. I didn’t fall in love with that Harry, it’s this one,” he says squeezing Harry’s side and brushing a clump of curls out of his eyes, “the one in this moment is the real Harry, I don’t know who that other one is. I want the old Harry back, he’s slowing reappearing.” Louis’s heart jumps at the realization of what he had just said to Harry, did he really just fucking confess to Harry that he loved him? He’s said a million times before, but this time, it came out differently. He hasn’t even admitted it to himself yet and now he just blurts it out to him. Fuck.

“Sorry to disappoint you, never wanted to hurt anyone, ‘specially you. I really-I don’t do drugs as much now, I’m noo-not addicted, I know you think I am, I didn’t even tonight; Li-Liam found out, found my stash and got rid of it weeks ago, fuck-look at me Lou. Why stay with me?” Louis can hear Harry sniffling and choking back sobs, his heart was breaking for his best friend.

 

“Well that’s what best friends are for. I’m proud of you Harry, I know you’re trying. I know how hard it must be, I mean I don’t but I can imagine. Let’s get into pajamas and go to bed, it’s late come on you need to sleep love.” Louis says lifting Harry up and off the bed.

“Can we leave the beds like this though?” Harry says pouting like a 5-year-old.

“Of course.”

They removed all the trays and bottles off the bed and get dressed and climb into bed. Louis feels Harry’s hand haphazardly graze his thigh and it makes him inhale with a deep gasp. He clears his throat to cover it.

“Come here,” Harry whispers as he pulls Louis into his chest, Louis can feel Harry pressed against him through the thin material of his sleep shorts and it’s making his heart race and his head confused.

“Thank you Louis, for everything, I don’t think anyone else would have dealt with my bullshit as long as you have.” Louis feels Harry’s lips plant a gentle kiss to his shoulder blade, goose bumps course up his body at the touch.

“Anything for you Haz. Just want you happy ‘sall.” Louis lets his body loosen after realizing just how tense it was, he lets his head sink into Harry’s neck and wraps a leg around one of his.

 

“I’m happy now,” Harry drapes his right arm over Louis’s middle, “always happy around you, just kinda have that effect on people.” Harry presses another kiss onto the crook of his neck, this time he lets his lips linger there before kissing up the rest of Louis’s neck to his jawbone. Louis’s heartbeat is rapidly increasing and his breathing is getting heavier, he’s positive Harry can feel in through his chest. But he can feel Harry’s heavy panting in his ear, and the nervous gulps he keeps making every few seconds.

Harry scoots closer to Louis, if that’s possible, pressing into him more, he can feel Harry hardening against his backside and he subconsciously pushes his bum back against it. The hand Harry has over Louis’s middle has made its way south and Louis could feel Harry’s fingertips playing with the knot at his waistband.

Louis’s heart feels like a 10-pound weight in his chest, he’s anxious to move, worried Harry might snap out of it and realize what he’s doing and turn away, and Louis doesn’t want that, he wants Harry to continue, he’s never been so sure of anything.

 

Harry lets his fingers wrap around the string and he pulls at it ever so slightly causing the bow to unravel and Louis feels his shorts loosening at his waist. He sucks in a deep audible breath as Harry slides his hand in between his skin and shorts his fingers skimming his cock. Louis lets out a croaked “H-Harry” as he feels Harry start to lazily stroke him.

Louis senses how tightly he’s clenching his thighs and let’s them slack, his right leg knocking against Harry’s. He doesn’t want to seem desperate or greedy but he can’t help by somewhat pushing his hips up into Harry’s hand and then roll his back and bum into Harry feeling how hard he is against him and it makes Louis tighten up again.

“Relax Lou,” Harry hums in his ear “it’s just me.” He starts to speed up his strokes, getting a rhythm going up down up down a flick here and there over the head, the wetness of Louis’s precome soaking into the pad of Harry’s thumb, he kisses Louis’s neck again, the skin is red hot against his lips, he nips and tugs at it with his teeth, Louis lets little moans escape his mouth with each touch.

Louis begins to show no reserve as he grinds his bum back into Harry’s cock in the same rhythm Harry has on him. He can feel Harry thrusting back into him; each push of Harry’s cock against him makes his heart jump. Louis tries to maneuver his hand behind him and although it’s uncomfortable he is able to finally touch Harry.

 

Harry nibbles Louis’s earlobe as he feels Louis’s hand grab him through his pants pushing into Louis’s hand their motions on each other in sync. “So good Lou yeah,” Harry breathes into his ear, Louis can only respond with an “mhmm” his lips are craving the taste of Harry’s, he’s licking them ruthlessly, digging his teeth into the skin, he knows if he turns around and faces Harry, he might stop what he’s doing, get scared but his body won’t listen to his brain and he shifts to face Harry, climbing on top of him before smashing their lips together and he swears he can feel electric shocks pulsing through each pore, he pushes his tongue through Harry’s lips to his tongue letting them become familiar.

Harry still has his hand around Louis’s cock and uses his other hand to wriggle Louis’s shorts down further, “harryharryharry” Louis groans into his mouth, rocking his hips back and forth. His arms are shaking like crazy as he tries to keep himself suspended over Harry, he wants to feel Harry but there’s no way he’d be able to stay steady if he moved an arm away. He let himself drop to his elbows his face in Harry’s neck biting at the skin, marking Harry, claiming him. “Fuck louyeaah” Louis continued biting down hard turning the milky white skin purple and red.

“Come for me Louis,” Harry breathes out rubbing Louis’s cock harder “on me yeah”

 

“f-fuck Harry yeah yeah god-shi-fuck Harry” Louis said into his neck before kissing him again, licking all over his mouth, biting at his chapped lips, sucking on his tongue. It only took a few more strokes for Louis to come all over Harry’s chest grunting as he felt his orgasm release. He let his body dead weight on Harry, feeling his mess on his own skin. Louis was already desperately grabbing for Harry, wanted to make him feel the way he did right now. He sat back up still straddling Harry as he grabbed for his shorts and tapped his hips so he’d lift up. Harry complied and Louis tugged them down past his thighs.

Louis had seen Harry naked before, plenty of times, but not like this, not with his hard, thick cock standing proudly, for him, he had caused this, he had made Harry hard, and it wasn’t until now that he realized, admitted to himself that it was all he’s ever wanted to do.

“Fuck Harry,” Louis cursed, “fucking shit, really just want to suck you off right now-“ he said touching Harry’s cock gently with his fingertips, almost to make sure it wasn’t an illusion.

“Louisyeahfuck please,” Harry whined, “want you to.”

Louis situated himself in between Harry’s thighs and leaned his head down, eyes still staring up at Harry as he let his mouth drape over his cock. He could feel it twitch as it met his tongue, “louuu yeah fu-“ Harry’s words cut off by a moan.

 

Louis tried not to imagine all the girls who have been in this position before, all the times he’s had to hear Harry make the same noises night after night. He wanted this to be different, wanted Harry to crumble beneath him, wanted his name to be the left on Harry’s lips. He licked up the shaft his tongue pressing hard against the skin until it met the head; he sucked hard, flicking his tongue eagerly over it tasting the saltiness of precome. He could feel Harry’s legs flailing on either side of him his toes pressing hard into the mattress.

 

Harry let his hands take hold of the back of Louis’s head, guiding his head up and down over his cock, tugging at strands of hair when Louis would graze his teeth over the skin. “yeah-yeah Louis don’t stopfuckshit” Louis hollowed his cheeks out and opened his mouth as wide as it would allow letting Harry’s cock slide its way down his throat, he could feel himself on the verge of gagging but choked it back, humming small “mmms” around Harry instead.

“cl-close loufuck lou god yes” Harry was pulling hard at his hair, thrashing his body about the bed and Louis knew it wouldn’t be long until he felt the shot of liquid hit the back of his throat, and he craved it, needed to taste Harry.

“gonna come Louis fuuckgod fu-“ Harry’s hips bucked up as he dug his heels into the bed his orgasm pulsed through his body until it made it’s way into Louis’s throat. Louis swallowed but continued to lightly suck and nip at Harry’s softening cock until Harry was grabbing at his jaw to make him stop. He made his way back up to where Harry was laying and curled up next to him.

“Lou that-you were-I fuck” Harry said breathlessly, his chest glistening with beads of sweat. Louis kissed him gently on the cheek before pressing his face into the side of Harry’s.

 

“I just, just want to kiss you, like really kiss you.” Louis said. Harry turned his head to face Louis’s placing a hand on his cheek his lips grazing Louis’s, “kiss me you fool.” Louis smiled, he didn’t have to lean in much to feel Harry’s lips on his, they stayed like that for awhile, just kissing, being in the moment, learning how the other tasted, memorizing that taste. Louis loved the way Harry would nibble on his lip every other minute or so, or how he would let his tongue go limp so Louis could suck at it until it was probably purple. He was the first to pull away but stayed close enough to feel each exhale that escaped Harry’s nostrils.

“I’m sorry Lou,” Harry always had a habit of whispering even when there was no need.

“Sorry for what Haz?”

“Everything, if I would have known, this whole time how you felt, I hurt you. Fuck-I’m sorry I didn’t-I wish that-“ Harry closed his eyes his eyelashes fluttering against Louis’s cheek, “I’m terrible, I’ll never forgive myself. Why didn’t-fuck Louis-“

“Harry shh stop,” Louis rubbed his thumb over Harry’s cheek, “look at me Harry,” he saw speck of green come into view, “didn’t want to get in the way, didn’t want to ruin us all we’ve worked for, I could barely admit it to myself until now, been keeping my eye on you the whole time. Didn’t want to babysit you, you can make your own decisions.”

“Louis?”

“Yes?”

“I love you too. Sorry I didn’t say it back earlier, I-I just,” He gulps, “ya know it’s always been you. But then I thought you hated me, you did hate me, you do? I-don’t-know, but I wanted to stop thinking about you, like that.I I’m sorry.”

“Never hated you, hated what you became Haz, missed my best friend, my band mate, myHarry. If-if we’re going to make this something, you need to stop the drugs and the promiscuity and the girls and-“

“I promise Louis, fuck I’m sorry.” Harry buries his face in Louis’s shoulder as he slowly rocks Harry back and forth comforting the boy beneath him.

“Come on Harry, let’s clean up and shower and go to bed it’s been a long night.”

“Can we make out more?” Harry asks cheekily.

“Until my lips fall off,” Louis responds as he pulls Harry into a kiss.

***

 

Louis wishes he could say Harry changed over night, that he ditched the drinking and drugs completely but he knew that was wishful thinking. He walked in on Harry a few days later with a girl, a mop of curls between two legs he shut the door hastily feeling his eyes swell up and his heart sink and he made his way out. He walked the streets that night alone, knowing he’d get yelled at for being out this late and without security, he kept his hood up hoping it’d help disguise him.

 

He blames himself, him and Harry never actually made it official but he hoped Harry’s promise was something to hold on to. The last leg of the tour they started sleeping in the tour bus because of an incident that happened at the last hotel they stayed at, and management didn’t want any more bad press. Louis was thankful though because that meant Harry or any of them weren’t allowed to bring anyone back to the bus. That didn’t mean he didn’t find other ways though.

They made out every chance they got, whether it was in between interviews in the bathroom, or the stairwell of whichever venue they were at but it was hurried and messy and left Louis feeling used. They hadn’t touched each other since that first night unless the quick grabs under tables counted. Louis didn’t understand Harry; he really quite frankly didn’t understand himself right now, why he was punishing himself like this.

There was one more interview and one last show at The Staples Center before it was time to go back to England for a two-week holiday. The interview was pretty standard they asked about tour memories and vacation plans and girls.

“As I’m sure you know girls are dying to know who here is taken?” the interviewer asks.

“Me and Liam’ve got girlfriends,” Zayn says, “everyone else is single.”

“Ah yes I wouldn’t expect the charming Mr. Styles to settle down, Niall, Louis anyone currently holding your heart?” They usually roll their eyes at these questions, beat around the bush until the interviewer asks something else but once again Louis’s mouth is working faster than his brain.

“Yeah,” he mumbles directing a glance at Harry, the other guys taken aback at his answer.

“Oh?” the interviewer perks up, “how lucky are they? Does this special someone know Louis?”

“Yeah they do, unfortunately,” he swallows, “big mistake.”

He bites his lip and bows his head, he can feel everyone staring at him but he won’t look back up. He hears a voice in the corner yell to the interviewer that they’ll need to take that bit out, and that the interview is over.

He doesn’t really remember the ride back; he kept his headphones in to avoid conversation. Liam somehow convinced their team to let them stay in a hotel this last night, and Harry convinced the girl at the front desk to give him a key to Louis’s room.

***

 

Louis stayed in bed the whole day, drifting in and out of sleep. He turned his phone off, told everyone not to bother him. They all agreed.

 

Harry slid the key in the door and pushed it open when the green light flickered. He stepped in and quietly shut it. He could see Louis’s figure on the bed, sprawled out in the center, his back rising and falling. He slipped his shoes off and hung his jacket and bag over a chair, sliding himself between the comforter and the bed, he knew Louis was a deep sleeper and wouldn’t wake up to the movement.

He sat up against the headboard and just watched Louis take short breaths watched how at peace he was; he moved a few strands of hair out of his face when they fell over his eyes, Louis’s eyes twitched at the touch. Harry took Louis’s left hand and rested it on his thigh interlacing his fingers with his right hand, massaging Louis’s forefinger with his thumb. The skin was soft, like every other inch of skin on his body even the places Harry has yet to touch. He let his left hand rest above Louis’s head and trailed his fingers across his shoulder blades and back. He felt Louis’s free hand knock into his side as the boy shifted in his sleep. He looked down at his face again, his mouth slightly agape, Harry noticed how chapped and red his lips were, the teeth marks blemishing the once perfect skin. He knew Louis’s worst habit was biting his lips till they bled, he did it the most when he was nervous or upset, but this was the worst Harry had ever seen them, they were raw, the skin was deeply split and there was dried blood in the cracks.

 

Harry removed his arm that was around Louis’s back and let his body sink into the mattress, lining up his face with Louis’s lips, he so badly wanted to heal him. He slowly pecked Louis’s lips with his own, kissing every inch, letting his lips linger a few times over the worse of the cuts, before releasing them again, he tasted the saltiness of what could only be tears, the taste of disappointment and betrayal. He held onto Louis’s fingers tighter, wrinkling the skin on the back of his hand as he kept littering small kisses on the sleeping boy’s lips, hoping it would make the marks disappear.

***

 

Louis started drifting back into consciousness because he swore he could feel something on his mouth and a weight on his hand. He moved around on the bed twiddling his fingers awake the pads of the fingers of his left hand touching skin that wasn’t his. He jerked his body awake, forcing his eyes open.

“Lou, Lou it’s just me, it’s okay” he heard a familiar voice plea. Once his eyes focused he saw Harry lying beside him.

“H-Harry,” his voice croaked, “how’d yo-why-“

 

Harry cut him off midsentence, “I’m sorry, I got an extra key, I had to see you, I haven’t been here long.” He lied.

Louis began biting his bottom lip again but didn’t taste himself on the skin instead he tasted Harry and he further realized the other hand attached to his own, but he didn’t move it. His heart raced thinking Harry had been here, watching him in his most vulnerable state, but his body showed his protectiveness over him and it made his heart heavy.

“Stay then,” Louis implored, “stay with me.”

“I won’t leave, not until-not till you’re better, not until I’ve made you better Lou.”

“It hurt Harry, you lied. I thoug-“

“I’m sorry, I was scared. I made you a promise. I’m an idiot, I love you Louis I do,” Harry squeezed his hand tighter.

“Show me then. Show me how much you love me Harry.” Louis said unlacing their fingers and sliding his hand up Harry’s shirt thumbing at his ribcage.

 

Harry sat up on his knees and took it off his torso stretching up; Louis ran his hand down the length of his chest, down his stomach to his jeans. He flicked the fabric that held the button in place and Harry grabbed Louis’s fingers covered them with his gesturing Louis to unbutton them, the ziiip of the metal loosening his jeans.

Louis sat up on his knees as well, to face Harry, he could see the tuft of hair peeking out of the top, letting his hands find their way to the back of Harry’s jeans, grabbing at his bum and pulling him into a kiss. He kneaded at the skin with his fingers, pulled him up at the crease where his bum met his thighs. Harry bit down on Louis’s shoulder and pressed his chest into Louis’s his hardening cock grazed Louis’s stomach.

“Fuck me Lou, need you,” Harry begged into his shoulder, his hands grabbing at every inch of Louis’s back the nails he did have scraped down the skin. He rutted his cock harder against Louis who pulled Harry’s jeans down with grace.

 

“Take them off.” Louis murmured into his ear. He watched as Harry got off the bed and pulled his jeans off the rest of the way. He looked at Louis kneeling on the bed his cock tenting his sleep shorts.

“You too,” Harry said and he watched as Louis stood up and dropped them off his waist. He was always amazed at how large Louis was despite his small demeanor. He quickly made his way back over to Louis scooping him into his body as he brought them back on the bed.

“Oh wait,” Harry said as he got up and rummaged through his bag, Louis loved the view of Harry’s ass in the air, it was teasing him so badly. “Might need this,” he said crawling back on the bed dropping a small bottle of lube on the pillow.

“Always so prepared Harry,” Louis said grabbing it, he was about to pour some on his fingers when Harry pushed them out of the way and let the liquid fall on his own.

 

“Said I was going to make you better Lou, show you I love you, lie down.” Harry demanded in a raspy tone. Louis wasted no time spreading himself out on the bed Harry lifted his knees up so his feet were flat. Louis watched as the curls dropped in between his legs and the wetness of Harry’s tongue around his entrance.

“Oohharry godharry” Louis moaned as Harry began dipping his tongue in and out of him, pressing his tongue flat against his hole. He could vaguely hear Harry groaning below him and he jutted his hips up before a hand knocked them back down and a “stay still baby” but Louis couldn’t help circling his hips and pushing his bum down hard into the bed, it felt too good and he was slowly losing it. He dug his fingers into his thighs letting out “mmms” and “ooohs” as Harry sped up the flicking of his tongue. He let out the loudest moan though when he felt a cold digit enter him.

 

“Haaary godyes Harry ohfuck” he squeezed his eyes shut and propelled his hips forward.

Harry tightened his grip on Louis’s hip to keep him from squirming but it was sexy seeing what he could do to Louis, make him a mess like this. “Tight Lou, gonna add another okay?” “fuckplease yeah”

Harry was able to get two more fingers in Louis and started fucking Louis with them relentlessly, his other hand giving up on holding him down and was now around Louis’s cock. He twisted and turned the fingers that were in Louis trying to find his prostate, knowing he found it when Louis kicked a leg out and moaned the loudest he has yet.

“That’s it Lou, feel good gonna come for me if I keep doing it?” Harry now had his face pressed up against Louis’s, his long arms making him able to stay in that position.

“Fuck-fu-Harry yeah close god don’t stopfuck.” But right as Louis was on the brink of orgasm he suddenly felt Harry stop.

“H-harry what are-fuck”

“Sorry Lou want you to come in me,” Harry purred into his ear.

“Lie down now!” Louis demanded as he pushed Harry down on the bed.

He grabbed Harry’s hand and poured some more lube on his fingers, “prep yourself.”

Harry bit his lip at Louis’s words and let his fingers find his hole before pressing two in right away. “louloulouoooh” Harry whined as he moved his fingers in and out of himself.

 

Louis didn’t expect to love watching Harry finger himself as much as he did, he was already so close to coming and this brought him closer to the edge. He couldn’t keep his hands off of Harry though, or his mouth so he slumped his head down in between his legs and licked around Harry’s fingers, “fuuuucklouis shi-godohmygod.” He then pressed his middle finger in with Harry’s two and slowly moved it around him. “Loulou fuck megod pleaseooh.”

Louis took his finger out and pulled Harry by the wrist, “could watch you finger yourself all day Harry,” Louis said as he rubbed lube over his cock.

“Anytime Louis, I will-fuck,” Harry said breathlessly.

Louis let the head of his cock sink slowly into Harry until he got adjusted, he could feel Harry contracting around him squeezing his cock. He proceeded to thrust a little harder into Harry until he was fully in. “God Louis, fuck feels so good, move please.”

 

Louis began to slowly thrust back and forth until Harry grabbed his hips and started pushing harder, “wanna feel it Lou, deserve it fuckplease” Louis fucked him harder, watching Harry’s own cock bounce up and down he grabbed ahold of it with his hand and pumped it at the same speed.

Louis never imagined how amazing it would feel to fuck his best friend, how much he wanted this, he pounded harder and harder into Harry, the sweat dripping down his back and chest. Harry lifted his hips and spread his legs wider so Louis could get as deep as possible.

 

“comelouiscome” “close Harry, you feel amazing, being so good.” He let Harry take hold of his own cock as he grabbed his knees and to angle himself better trying to hit Harry’s prostate.

“therelouis rii-riiight there ohgod yes fuckyeahyeah,” Harry screamed, and Louis tried his best to keep hitting the same spot the heat in his own abdomen starting to grow as he heard the moans that were coming from Harry’s mouth, “don’t stop fuck gonna come Louis fuckthere ohmygod fu-“

Louis felt Harry tighten around his cock and his whole body tense, a squeak escaping the back of his mouth as Harry came all over his hand and belly.

“So fuckinghot Harry I’m almost there, stay with me” he watched Harry reach the hand covered him come up to his mouth, their eyes locked as Harry licked up his own mess “Ohhaaarry fuck god,” and that’s all it took for Louis to come deep in Harry his body shaking as his orgasm pulsed through him.

Louis grabbed the hand Harry had at his mouth and brought it to his own licking the spot between his thumb and forefinger where most the mess was.

“fucklou,” “taste good Harry, just like I remember.” He slowly pulled out of Harry and dropped to sit on his heels his chest heavy and wet with sweat.

Harry grabbed both of Louis’s hands and interlaced their fingers.

“Can we do that again, like all the time?” Harry laughed.

“Yeah, you liked it?” Louis smiled.

“Fuck, loved it, I’ve been waiting forever for that.” Harry pulled Louis in closer to him, “can I tell you a secret Lou?”

“Anything Harry,” Louis responded curling up to him.

“I never-never actually came when I was with girls, and if I did it was only because I was,” he paused as his cheeks started going red, “because I was looking over at you in bed, pretending I was in you, I even shouted out your name a few times.”

“You didn’t! Didn’t they get suspicious?” Louis said slapping his chest.

“It’s true! Just said it was the drugs or alcohol, they were usually too fucked up to know whether I came or not anyway. I meant it when I said it’s always been you, after every hookup I’d go wank off in the shower thinking of you.”

“I don’t know if I should feel honored or creeped out Haz!”

“Oh shut up you love it!”

“Ha. Well now you have the real thing darling, so enjoy it.”

“I will, when’s round two?”

“Give me like 15? I don’t rebound as fast as you youngins.”

“Shut up, turn over then, let me give you a massage while we wait.” Harry said moving so Louis could roll on his stomach.

“Your bum is so cushion-y babe,” Harry said bouncing on top of Louis who was already starting to get turned on again by the feeling.

“Mmm yeah,” Louis moaned a little sexier than he’d plan, “just massage me like you promised.”

“Is this seriously turning you on Lou? It’s like a backwards lapdance,” Harry asks as he now purposefully grinds himself down into Louis’s bum.

“f-fuck. Okay yes, it is god Harry anything you do turns me on.”

“Mmmm me likey!” Harry mischievously giggles.

So instead of Harry giving Louis a proper massage that evening he spent the next 15 minutes grinding his hips into Louis’s bum and bouncing up and down on him until he was hard again and ready to fuck.


End file.
